Top 7: Types You’ll Always Find at a Mud Race

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Mud Race Costume

Every Mud Race has it’s share of characters. After all, you’ve got to be a little touched in the head to subject yourself to things like this and this.

But the more mud races you do, the more you realize that it’s deja vu all over again. There are always guaranteed to be folks cut from the same crazy cloth at every race. Here are:  The 7 Types of People That You’ll Always Find at a Mud Race.

1-Mr All Upper Body

Upper Body No Legs

This guy is totally jacked, outfitted in compression gear from head to toe. He will be the one screaming like a viking as the event starts and is actually quite fearsome until a more fearsome enemy appears: cardio.

Look for the guy who forgot to add legs or running to his training regimen completely gassed at mile 7, getting passed by more lithe and significantly more effeminate distance runners who have barely broken a sweat.

 

2-The Mud Wallower

Muddy guy

 

At the first site of mud, this person starts rolling around as if they were a farm animal in a past life. In reality they are OCD neat freaks and are repressing memories of the time mommy had a bit too much “special mommy juice” and made them eat the mud pies they made while dirtying their Sunday best.

They are there for the novelty of extreme dirtiness, expect them to be covered head to toe in mud within the first five minutes of the race, and to laugh like maniacs on any mud-centric obstacle.

 

3-“Here for the Beer”

Mud Race Beer
These guys at least waited until the end.

This guy approaches a mud race like he approaches a tailgate party. He is all beer, bravado and maybe even a little body paint to begin, but soon realizes that this tailgate also involves playing the game.

Enjoy watching this life of the party quarterback himself down the field to the end zone of pain and humiliation.

 

4-The Corporate Grouper

 

Corporate Grouper Mud Racer
Ok, not actually this girl…

This girl decided to sign up to this as a team building event! She’s totally psyched and can’t wait! All of her emails include multiple exclamation points!

What may surprise you is how much a little mud helps her get her “Lord of The Flies” on. Corporate grouper, how come you got all survival-of-the-fittest at the company team building event? Why did you leave Peggy from accounting stranded in front of the wall obstacle? Why did you repeatedly call Fred from IT a “Mangirl”?

5-The Obstacle Skipper

Fearful of Wall Obstacle (Credit: Funk Dooby on Flickr)

Let’s be clear: the obstacle skipper is not the amputee who has decided to skip a few physically impossible obstacles (this type would be a “awesome”, not covered in this list)

What we are talking about is the person who is reasonably fit yet has decided to skip 4 or more obstacles. They cross the finish line with a lot of drama like they just swam the Atlantic or saved a bunch of dolphins.

Well Obstacle Skipper, let’s see how your acting skills are when we march you back through the course and get you to complete the obstacles for reals. Too tired you say? Please return your complimentary beer and headband then. Beer is for closers.

6-It’s All About The Costume

Mud Race Costumes (Credit: Funk Dooby on Flickr)
WHY? WHY? WHY?!!

 

These people loved drama class in high school. They also wish halloween was more than once a year. They want attention, and at the depth of your suffering you may hate costumed mud racers more than all others.

They mock any prospect of bodily harm by dressing up for the occasion, and for some reason there is always someone dressed up as a cast member from Baywatch. Please let us know why.

 

7-The Crossfit Junkie

Ivan Drago

 

You know these people: they are the mud race equivalent of Ivan Drago from Rocky V. To them this race is serious business in the aim of validating the awesomeness of communism…er…Cross Fit… with every obstacle they leave in their wake. They are fitter than you in every possible way and they know it, and unlike Rocky V, they will defeat you.There is no comeback Rock, you’re a bum compared to them.

You’ll spot Crossfit junkies easily as they look like super heroes: Buff, in spandex and the latest gear, with an aura of arrogance/invincibility.

If know of a type we’ve missed, or if  you are one of the people who wear Baywatch costumes to Mud Races, please let us know about it in the comments below.

 

1 COMMENT

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